"Let me ask you something: if someone prays for courage, do you think God gives them courage, or does he give them the opportunity to be courageous? Suppose they prayed for the family to be closer. Are they given warm fuzzy feelings or the opportunity to love each other? If someone prayed for patience, do you think God gives them patience or the opportunity to be patient?" in Morgan Freeman's voice.
While others describe themselves as impatient, I say everyone is impatient. The difference is in how we wait. For some people, no sooner have they started waiting, they get impatient, and others go through stages; at the beginning is excitement; then, practicing patience, anxiety slowly kicks in, followed by desperation and despair. I may be describing myself, but I neither accept nor deny.
Experts describe patience as the ability to stay collected in the face of adversity, frustration, or suffering. Most days, we struggle to maintain a sense of tranquility as everything else conspires to test our limits. We get impatient. Why is it so easy to get impatient?
Laws of impatience
Law of Loss of Aversion
Loss of Aversion is a cognitive bias that implies an actual or potential loss is more painful than the pleasure of gaining. There will be a tendency to avoid the loss. The Law means that a person may become impatient when they have something to gain and it will take more time and effort than anticipated, presenting a perceived potential of losing it.
For example, if you want to go to a business meeting or date after work, then realize that traffic will make you late. You perceive you might lose your business partner, date, or unfolding of events during your meeting if, you take longer than planned, and so you get impatient.
Another example is you are eagerly waiting for some news. You might be patient at first, but when it dawns on you, you cannot stop thinking about it, and you perceive a loss of concentration in other things; you grow impatient. Waiting for the news might cause you to lose other things that need concentration.
You are not impatient because of waiting; you get impatient because of what you think you might lose if you continue waiting.
Law of Precommitment
Precommitment is a technique where one ensures they reach their goal by switching or limiting their choices. This Law means that we get impatient when we want to achieve a goal and have too many obstacles. We then realize it will cost effort and more time than we thought to reach the goal. Instinctively, we seek ways to avoid additional costs regarding time, pain, credibility, or opportunity. This is usually achieved by reducing the options or switching goals altogether.
For example, you are dating more than one partner only to marry one of them. It will cost you more time and effort to progress the relationships and potentially cost you your credibility and pain. So you become impatient with all the relationships. To stick to the goal, you reduce the partners you are dating to one suitable one and progressively settle down, or you could switch the goal and not marry. You saw what I did there.
Another example is that at work, you have three tasks you want to complete. You become impatient when you realize you can only complete two that day. The time aspect will make it more challenging to achieve all of them. Impatience pushes you to change the goal to a more possible one, like completing a task at a time.
Given the resources required, you get impatient when you realize you cannot achieve your goal. Impatience pushes you to revise your goals or options and make the goals more realistic and attainable.
Law of Choice
This Law means a person is most likely to feel impatient when they have more options, and there are barriers to completing the current option. The fact that another option has yet to be explored and the current one is costing more than they thought would cause them to be impatient in completing the current one.
For example, a person is working on a project. Every project has its difficulties. If he/she has another project to work on, he will grow impatient with the current one that does not seem to work. Similarly, they are more likely to abandon the current one. This will eventually leave them with a dozen incomplete projects.
Another example is when we want to start a business, but there are too many choices. while in the planning stage, we will spend time and effort researching the one we think is better. When we encounter a problem, we become impatient in trying to solve it and jump to the next business. Eventually, we will end up being stuck in the planning phase.
Options are good, but having too many can be harmful. Barry Schwartz an American writer and psychologist calls it the paradox of choice. Too many options can make it difficult to fully concentrate on one, leading to more regret.
Law of indignation
Indignation is an emotion of anger triggered by circumstances or actions perceived as unjust. These emotions may give a person the urge to lush out in protest.
For example, you take a document to your manager for approval. Her secretary tells you several other documents are awaiting approval, so you must wait. You later discover all the other documents are approved except yours. You become impatient because that seems unfair; you get indignant, thinking the secretary may not have handed in your document for approval. You may lush out on her and take the document yourself.
Another example is when I was waiting at the supermarket counter, and my line was not moving while the others were. The clerk on my line was talking to her manager and not communicating anything to us. I became impatient and indignant. Instead of switching lines, the immature part of my mind whispered, “Show them they were wasting time”. I made a small show by leaving my unpurchased goods at the counter and rushed to another supermarket. Ultimately, finishing my purchase in the second supermarket took me even longer.
A person becomes impatient because the wait is perceived as another person's fault and unjust. I would have waited longer if the clerk had said she was waiting for the password or her computer hang. In the same way, if the secretary had said the document had queries and required confirmation first, the person would have waited. In most cases, impatience and indignation are potent enough to make us irrational.
Law of Opportunity costs
Opportunity cost is the benefit forgone when choosing one option over another. This Law means that a person becomes impatient when they realize the cost of reaching their goal will be higher than anticipated. It may cost more time, money, understanding, effort, or concentration.
For example, you are driving on the highway, and the goal is to get home. The car in front is moving at a lower speed than expected. This means it will take you longer to get home. You become impatient and make a speedy lane change, which can cause a deadly accident.
Another example is if a friend or partner makes you upset, and you want to lush out on them. The goal is to talk about it to save the relationship. You realize that to discuss it, you might have to wait until you both get time, process your emotions to express your feelings and understand yourself and the other person to save the relationship. It is the longer root. You become impatient and blurt out your feelings without thinking things through. This could cause a premature end of a good relationship.
We might miss better opportunities or results when we act out of impatience. The choices we did not make because of impatience can lead to regret.
Law of Opportunity
This Law means people will become impatient when they discover an opportunity to reach their goal, but time is limited.
For example, you want to join a course. It requires money and has timelines. You will be impatient when you realize you can only get the required amount after the timeline expires. In that case, you can let it pass and wait for the next intake. Alternatively, because you want to join the course at that specific time, impatience may push you to take a risk that will help you get the amount required.
On the other hand, there are areas in which most people can be overly patient, such as sticking with projects, jobs, or relationships long after it makes sense. In such cases, impatience can also motivate a person to let go of what is not beneficial.
How does one overcome impatience? Awareness is the first step. Being aware of the possible triggers of impatience in different scenarios will help decide the next cause of action. Otherwise, I might not have finished this article. Considering what Morgan Freeman said, in the end, is it not better to teach someone to fish rather than give them the fish? It is not about the time we wait but how we wait.